Leaving, Again

Today, technically speaking, was my last day at English Drama. It may also be my last day being a part of practising drama as a skill, or art.

(Now, saying that I probably won't practise drama in the future has nothing to do with the aesthetic itself; it's just a matter of my personal choices and priorities.)

Before I left, I mentioned to the juniors that I was "having the feels". And I was; I have been part of drama for too short a time, but even that is sufficient to make me realise that I was going to miss the group. I would miss the camaraderie, the spontaneity, even the zen-like discipline.

I have mixed feelings about feeling this way. See, I've already had to do this (and more) once: leaving Malaysia meant having to leave my class, school, CCAs, etc. Which, in fact, should in theory hurt more, especially considering that I left alone, unlike now when I'm part of a group stepping down.

But even with this supposed "experience" of stepping down and leaving before, it doesn't hurt any less. It doesn't lessen the pain of saying goodbye, or the wistfulness of seeing another generation step up to take the reins. In short, while I have held no particularly large role at EDS, stepping down still definitely gives one the feels.

If you are a junior, especially a Sec 3 junior reading this, you probably remember what I mentioned earlier about "being part of the problem". Don't take that little piece 金玉良言 lightly; more often that we realise, and personally more often than I'd like to realise, we hurt others in ways that we can never really see ourselves, unless we commit to stepping back and making an effort to see things in a different light. For those becoming new leaders, this is especially important.

As VC Jia Ying rightly said, some people can be said to have a dose of over-confidence. While this is not a big fault in itself, due to our natural imperfections, it becomes a major issue when one allows it to consume oneself and making it define who they are. This probably shouldn't just be limited to over-confidence, I guess, but to any trait that particularly affects leadership. It is tempting to be a dictator; do not be a dictator.

Seriousness aside, since I apparently cannot escape "the feels" inadvertently associated with leaving, I might as well relish in it. 

In my 1.5 years (give or take) at EDS, I have got along with some people better, some people less well. That's as straightforward as I can be. However, I would like to think that overall, the overwhelming majority of people in the society have made me feel better as compared to otherwise, and that's not something you can easily say for many organisations. I have made many friends there and I hope to retain this friendships even as life goes on for all of us.

Thank you, EDS, for being the most ideal CCA I could hope to have. I will miss you guys.