Mädels, Part 2: Bridging the Divide

Read part 1 of Mädels here.

You know what I hate?

Umbrellas.

They're large and unwieldy. They're not exactly cheap. And they don't always do their job well; too many times have I had the unfortunate experience of returning home soaked worse than a shipwrecked pirate, even with a new, supposedly-high-quality umbrella by my side (or above me, depending on how you want to see it). And the absolute worse part: they lose themselves, so easily. I'm serious: one managed to go totally AWOL on me when I left the table for about fifteen minutes or so to meet someone. Needlessly to say, having an umbrella on me is now more of a grudging necessity than anything else.

But you know what I hate more than umbrellas? Fools. Specifically, brainwashed, society-pressured, traditionalist fools.



If you have not read part 1 of Mädels, and did not notice/purposefully ignored my gentle reminder above, I suggest you read it up now or much of this rant won't make any sense. If you have, however, good on you.

There are few things that I feel confident of myself enough to be proud of, but one of these is that I am able to interact with both guys and gals equally well. That is to say, while I can still be an extremely incomprehensible geek to talk to, I can say with confidence that I have no problems sauntering up to any guy or girl I know and start a decently long conversation. This puts me in a unique position to understand both genders rather well.

My teenage years are nearly over (yes, I'm old, old, old.). I would like to think that I've spent them wisely, and a key part of it is getting to know both sides of the divide well. Here's the funny part: those stereotypes about guys/girls we love to talk about? Guys always trying to act macho, girls being vain, etc etc etc etc? I rate them 'mostly true'. But you probably knew that already, and that isn't the point here.

Stereotypes are 80% of the mess that composes the boy-girl universe. They are the differences, the divide. What's really interesting lies in the remaining 20% - what they share.

I would make a Venn diagram, but I'm lazy.

I can talk endlessly about this, but it boils down to a few points:

1) Cliques

I'll be frank: this one frustrates me.

For some reason, cliques tend to be associated with females. Speaking from a neutral standpoint, I can say, hand over my heart, that this is simply not the case. Cliques are...unisex? I suppose? Either way, boys are as much a perpetrator of cliques as girls, and thus they are also as much victims of cliques as are girls.

I can attest to this fact personally - while I consider myself as faring pretty well socially as compared to many other scholars, the single biggest obstacle I faced making friends was none other than, well, cliques.

And it's quite sad. Understandably, cliques are just another part of human life, or rather teenage life. It's a consequence of the fear of the unknown: while we attempt to discover ourselves throughout our growing years, it's new and a bit frightening, and so we look to our peers for support, and for the comfort that 'we are not alone'.

Ultimately, though, it defeats its own purpose, because it becomes so trapping, so suffocating, so hard to leave this group of people you're expected to swear loyalty to for the rest of your schooling years. And so you stay in your comfort zone, inside that little snow globe of friends, so much that interesting people you meet along the way will simply pass you by, becoming yet more missed opportunities.

2) Girls, You're Not the Only Ones Facing Insecurity

Classmate Gwyneth a.k.a. Guava has already written about this here(among other things about girls, check it out), but I felt I could expand this further.

See, again for reasons I do not understand, girls are always portrayed as the insecure ones, especially in popular media. They're always the ones fretting about what to wear, what to say, how to act in general. Well, guess what: insecurity isn't a girl thing, it's a teenage thing.

While it's true that guys tend to think less before committing to an action, and can be more straightforward overall, we sure as hell fret too. Especially (for those who aren't as comfortable as me) about the opposite gender. The one and only reason that guys prefer to hide it more is your usual societal pressures. Oh, guys are supposed to be tough, alpha, blah blah blah.

What bullshit. I've been trying my best to live life on my own terms for quite a while now, and so couldn't care less about such things, but many many guys still believe in it. So there you go.

But again, insecurity is very much a teenage thing, and it's just another part of fearing the unknown. The fear of being judged, the fear of not knowing the outcome, the fear of other people, really. Particularly (sigh) the opposite gender.

Which brings me to......

3) Fear of... Each Other

Yes. I know this is inevitable. The teenage years are, to put it primitively, the mating years, anyway. And with it comes overwhelming shyness, awkwardness and, well, fear.

But sometimes I can't shake the feeling of......why? Just why?

For those who took the time to read Mädels, part 1, you'd know that besides attraction, I also like girls in a very platonic way. I've explained the reasons behind this very thoroughly there, but to sum it up: they're great friends, period. Majorly because they don't have to act tough and alpha all the time (cough cough). 

Sadly, though, true platonic boy-girl friendships are few and far between. Not at all helped by those fools I mentioned earlier. Oh, you know who you are: the shallow-minded ones who always act like you've nothing better to do and have to resort to picking on those in platonic relationships for entertainment. Well, sorry to tell you, but not everyone has your raging hormones, and we can balance our crushes and friendships the way we want.

Seriously, a big middle finger to these a-holes.

In the past few weeks, I have: 1) been implied of being attracted to three female friends, 2) caused one of these to face trouble in her own relationship, and 3) been on the verge of lashing out against these idiots because I AM FREAKING TIRED OF IT.

The term 'friendzone' is often used with negative connotations, but I don't understand why. Making 'friendzone' a negative term would mean that every other boy or girl is trying to get into a relationship with one another, hence being 'friendzoned' would be undesirable. But I'm sure not all of us are in that position, and so being friendzoned is great: you get a good friend, a better understanding of the other gender, without the necessary need of a romantic relationship.

I truly believe that people like me should be the rule, rather than the exception. More people should attempt being good, close friends with those belonging to the "other side"; you'll get to learn a lot, believe me, of which much will surprise you, and posts like those attempting to explain one gender to the other will be highly unnecessary. But again, sadly, much because of those traditionalist, segregationist fools, the situation doesn't seem to be changing any time soon. I mean, I can't seem to be able to sit next to a girl without some immature joke being cracked these days. Sheesh.

Nevertheless, I'll do my part. By writing this post, and by continuing to live life on my own terms. Maybe, some day in the distant future, society will mature enough to make having opposite-sex friends during one's teen years (key words here!) a normal thing. To risk sounding optimistic, I think we'll be all the better for it.



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