Do you believe in miracles?
Life itself, is a miracle. It's a chance, an opportunity to prove yourself, to change the world, and, more simply, to just live it out and enjoy every turn.
Yesterday, life once again presented a miracle.
As some of you might know, one or two months ago I received a letter to go for an interview. That interview was the final stage to qualifying for the Year 2012 ASEAN scholarship.
You would also know how much I wanted that scholarship, why I wanted it, and my thoughts and feelings after it. But to recap: 1) I wanted it a lot, 2) Explaining why is too long, and 3) I think I did okay, but as usual I was fretting over all the possible mistakes/errors that I might have made, and all the better answers I could have given. And hence the long, long wait for the reply.
Well, about 24 hours ago, that wait was over.
If you were a friend of mine on Facebook, Google+ or follower on Twitter, you would have seen this yesterday. Oohh, it seems like my integrated chat is on the left...recognise the guy on the top?
But does this mean for him(and those 628 personalities)?
Initial Reactions
Trying to describe that moment when I realized that I had received it is......hard, to say the least. I remember playing around with my browser's tabs(as you can see in the above pic, I had seven open). One of them was my email tab, which I just clicked for the hell of it. I remember seeing an unread message, and recognising the acronym "MOE". In that half second before I instinctively clicked it, my pulse had started racing, but i didn't know it.
I opened it, and in the first second I saw the word "award", and, silly as it may be, I thought I didn't get it and only got the merit award. But in the next two seconds I had read all the key words, and reality crept in.
The feeling of realisation was...incredible. It felt like a brick wall crashing on top of me, only made of air. I know it sounds weird, but it did.
I sank out of my chair to the floor, and started laughing. Out of joy, out of some-sort-of-confusion, and out of relief. Then, immediately, I prayed. I praised the Lord; He had answered my many, many nights of prayer and worry. God is Great.
Mixed Feelings
However, to be incredibly honest, I was in less of a celebratory mood immediately after getting this, as compared to when I got the letter for the interview.
Why?
Because I finally realised exactly what I would be leaving behind, and the sacrifices that had to be made. yes, I had told myself that this would happen, and that it was a sacrifice worth making. But did it make leaving any easier? No.
Pyrrhic Victory?
In the Pyrrhic War of 280-279 B.C., King Pyrrhus fought with the Romans at Heraclea and Asculum. He won, but he suffered a huge amount of casualties to his troops.
These fifteen years have been a long journey, and this particular year was personally the best. It had drama, adventure, suspense and so much more-it's like a book, but less twisted and with a lot more routine, of course.
And leaving this life isn't easy. My family is one. Sure, we have our fights and squabbles, but when you live together for more than 10 years, you are bound to have at least a form of attachment to it. My brother, especially, won't be able to take this easily-he's only nine, and he's grown very......attached, to me.
But this wouldn't be the (possibly)best year of my life if it wasn't for all my friends. I have known some of you longer than others, but all of you have really changed my life, some in more ways than one.
Greg, Ling, Darren, Jun Yan, Grace, Adrienna, Khoo, Edmund, Qx, Emerlyn and many, many more, I thank all of you. Truly. This year would have bored me to death without all of you, and you guys(and gals) mean so much. Again, thank you.
The End of A Chapter
A few minutes before I went for the interview, I told my father that this would mark the beginning of the end of a chapter of my life. And yes, it truly has turned out to be so.
So what's next? Obviously, I fly, and Suburban KID goes with me. I think the best thing I can do to honour the memories of all of you back home besides keeping in touch, is to remain true to who I am. The last fifteen years will never fade away; they will remain an important part of who I am for years to come.
There will be challenges. There will be obstacles. But like my current life, with all the downs and falls there are ups and rises, and I'll just have to do the best I can.
Again, it's not easy to leave. But it's gonna happen, and there will be good out of this. So thank you, so much. I love you guys.
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