An Incovenient Truth

Have you ever had that time when a good friend stands up to you and say: "You're a/an idiot/bitch/jerk/etc?"

I went through one of those times today.

Now, I want to make it clear: I appreciate these kinds of friends. They may sound harsh, but they really give you honest opinions, and most of your time, are your reality check. Your ONLY reality check.

So what's the fuss all about?

I was called arrogant. In other words, close to a jerk.

While this rather hurt me, it also forced me to sit down and take a good look at myself. I like being a confident person, but am I going too far? Am I becoming a self-centred person, who only cares of his own success and his well-being?

Am I becoming one of those people who makes sure nothing gets in his way to what he wants? One who doesn't care about being rude, just to look 'confident'?

Am I becoming self-possessed? To want everyone to know of my achievements, sticking my nose up to everyone else, who look inferior in my eyes?

I wasn't that confident and sure of myself some years back. And I can still feel traces of that uncertainty. I was scared to be in front of everyone. To stand up for what I felt was right, in fear of getting into trouble. Scared of being the one to stand up boldly and say, "Yes, I'll do it!" Scared to take that leap into unknown territory, in fear of looking weird or 'out-of-place', and not following the crowd. In short, scared of taking the risky path, in fear of the unknown.

But as I grew older, I realised that if I wanted new oppurtunities, new chances, I needed to let go of that fear. I needed to be sure of myself. Positive. Cool. Calm. Collected.

But really, am I going too far? To the point of no return?

I've thought for a long time on this. And the answer is: yes and no.

I know, it always is. But no one said life was easy. In fact, it's always the ****ing opposite.

The answer is yes when I apply this to my friends or family. Like what I always like to say, there's a time and place for everything. And the time for being over-confident is not with friends. Or family.

More importantly, no, during other times. Being slightly arrogant is part of my nature. It is part of identity, and to change that would be akin to getting a plastic surgery. And in truth, I like being confident. Who doesn't? I believe, if I can balance it properly, being arrogant is no bad thing. You're not going to get people looking up to you by being a coward.

Lastly, to that friend who stood up to me and said it to my face: Thank you.

Thank you for making me look at myself, something that I regretfully do too little. Thank you for making me realise that some parts of me are not as good as I think, and I need to work to change or balance myself. Most of all, thank you for being a great friend.